Find My Way Back To You
by Ratchet's Apprentice 88
Summary: Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes, and Mary Gilly were the infamous trio back on the streets of Brooklyn, inseparable by any means. Then again, war doesn't play by the rules, does it? Life goes on. Bucky falls off the train, Steve crashes the plane, and Mary is left alone, but when are things ever so simple with SHIELD around?
1. Please Come Home

**Hellooooo Fanfic readers! This fic will mainly focus around the three characters mentioned in the summary, but the Avengers will definitely have their parts in it. Now, without further delay, I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

The boys were out dancing with a couple of girls. Well, more like Bucky had dragged Steve out with him and a couple of girls, but they had left their best girl back home. Mary Gilly chose to stay home while her boys went out to celebrate before Bucky shipped out for England in the morning. She knew that it was supposed to be a double date and that Bucky had been working on getting those two out for a while now. She didn't want to be a drag and spoil his last night before deployment. Bucky had insisted that she wouldn't be, but she told him to go on along and have some fun. He finally agreed with the promise that they would come home early and spend a good part of the rest of the night up talking and messing around like when they were young.

A whole year younger than Bucky, two younger than Steve, the three of them had stuck together like glue since they were children. Her mother had died when she was an infant so when Mary's father had passed when she was sixteen, leaving her all alone, it wasn't much of a surprise when Bucky's mother had taken her in. She, Bucky, and Steve were infamous in the neighborhood, always stirring up some kind of trouble. They had a system, they did. Steve would find a fight, Bucky would end it, and she would wind up patching the two of them up. When they were finally grown and ready to face the world, well, they did that together too. With the three of them, they were able to scrape up enough money each month for food and rent for a two bedroom apartment where they all lived. They figured since Bucky and Steve couldn't afford an apartment each on their own, what with Bucky's job down at the docks and Steve's job drawing for whoever needed him, they would share one, but that left Mary out in the cold, unable to pay for housing. She went into nursing. Steve and Bucky had both agreed that she had the personality for it, and it wasn't like they hadn't given her enough practice when they were young in the alleys of Brooklyn. She took her lessons with the money her father had given her with strict instructions that it be for her education and for her education only. It was a good job, kept food on the table, but unfortunately no roof to go over that table, so they went looking and found a good deal, and kept on living together.

The three of them, they were inseparable. Or so they thought. They were inseparable until Steve went off and enlisted in the army. He was rejected, not to anyone's surprise. She loved Steve like he was her own brother by blood, but he was the sickliest child she had ever met. She could remember too many times when instead of playing in the streets like the rest of the kids, she and Bucky sat watch by Steve's bedside as the young blond suffered in his sickness. She never blamed Steve for ruining their fun. It was never a thought that crossed her mind. She certainly couldn't blame Steve for getting sick, but by golly did it worry the dickens out of her when he did.

Everything was calm and went back to normal until three weeks after Steve had been rejected from the army, Bucky had been drafted. Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes was set to ship off for England to join the boys in fighting on the western front. She couldn't be more proud. One of her boys was going off to fight the good fight, and she celebrated right along with them, splurging a little bit on groceries to buy a small roast and potatoes to make Bucky's favorite meal, but she couldn't help worrying. Ever since they were little, Bucky would look out for Steve, but she would be the one to look out for the both of them. While watching out for Steve, Bucky would usually forget to look out for himself. Mary couldn't look out for him when he was all the way in England. She couldn't make sure that he strapped his helmet on good and tight before he rushed out into a field of bullets and bombs, she couldn't make sure he was eating, she couldn't clean him up when, God forbid, he got hurt. Since they were kids, they all looked out for each other, and now Bucky was going to be all the way across the Atlantic fighting for his country and Steve and herself would be at home, unable to help him.

* * *

It was close to eight when Bucky finally walked through their door. Mary was sitting on the couch reading some book that he had brought home for her when he dropped his hat on the kitchen table then came over and unceremoniously plopped down next to her. After marking her page and putting the book on the floor, she joined him in staring at the ceiling.

"Well hello soldier." She said.

"Hey" he sighed.

She sat up and turned to him, slightly concerned. "What's wrong?"

He mimicked her movements until the two were facing each other. "Guess where Steve is."

Mary groaned. "Not again. He's gonna get caught. Or worse yet, he'll get accepted."

"That's exactly what I said. Maybe it's best if we let him try this last time and while I'm gone, you can take another crack at talkin some sense in to him."

"Maybe you're right. Probably might not have much luck though. Steve's stubborn as an ass."

"You're not wrong there."

"Speaking of while you're gone," Mary began carefully, "how you feelin?" She saw it. Maybe not at first, but there really wasn't a lot that her boys could hide from her without her finding out eventually. Bucky may have talked a good game about how happy he was to be going off to war, but she could see it. He was scared. Scared to leave her and Steve all alone, scared that he might not come back to them.

"A little nervous, a little excited. You know…" he trailed off. He was scared, and he knew that she saw it. He knew he never could hide much from her. He was reluctant to leave her and Steve. He was sending them back his army salary and he spoke with their landlady and she sympathized with them, agreeing to be a little more lenient with rent if they needed it. Steve and Mary had no idea about this though and he intended to keep it that way.

"Yeah, I can understand." She said. "Now you may be a sergeant in the U.S. military, but here, you're still Bucky, so let's get something straight James Buchanan Barnes." She was dead serious, their eyes locked. "You be safe over there, you hear me? Don't do anything stupid. We can't lose you, Buck, Steve and I… it doesn't work with just the two of us. If we lost you…" she trailed off.

He pulled her into his arms, letting her lean her head against his shoulder while he buried his face in her soft brown hair. "I know Mary, I know. But that's why that's not gonna happen. You know me, Mary, I'll come home. I don't care if I break my legs and have to crawl back, I'll find a way back to you. I promise." He said softly, tightening his hold on her before letting her look up at him. He stared into her brown eyes, trying to remember the exact shade they were so that he would always be able to imagine them over in England when he needed them most.

It was almost a full hour later when Steve came bursting in. Bucky had been sitting back against the couch and Mary was resting her head on his shoulder, but they both jumped up in attention when they heard the door slam open. Running up to them was Steve with a Cheshire grin plastered on his face. "I got accepted!"

"You what?!" Mary and Bucky shouted simultaneously.

"I got accepted!" he shouted right back, smile never fading even a little bit. "I report to basic training tomorrow morning."

* * *

Tomorrow morning came faster than Mary had wanted it to. In fact, if she had the choice, it wouldn't have come at all. The three of them had pushed Steve and Bucky's beds together and squeezed together, the boys on the outside sandwiching Mary in the middle. It was something they did ever so often, just when they needed to be close together. The last time was the night Steve's mother had died, the only difference being that Steve was in the middle surrounded by comfort and love.

She and Bucky had wished Steve good luck and he did the same for Bucky when they saw him off. Before he got on the bus, he gave Bucky a hug and a promise to see him on the battlefield and gave Mary a kiss on the cheek and a promise to stay safe.

After Steve was gone, Bucky and Mary made their way down to where Bucky was set to ship off from soon. He was about to leave her when he pulled her in for one last hug and a kiss on the cheek. When he pulled back from the hug, he was so close to her. He wanted to kiss her again, though not on the cheek this time. He knew that he cared for Mary for a while now. He was fifteen when he finally realized that he loved her. It was right after a fight. Steve had pissed of a big one and like usual, Bucky swooped in to save the day. While Steve was being taken care of and getting an earful from his mom, Bucky's mother was out with his little sisters so it was up Mary to clean him up. He wasn't too bad, but the cut above his left eye was a little deeper than Mary was comfortable with. She sat him down at the table while she kneeled next to him with a bowl of clean water and a rag. He hissed as the cloth stung when it hit his skin. She softly shushed him and kept gentle pressure on the cut until it stopped bleeding. While she held the rag to his bleeding head, he took the time to really look at her. She was beautiful, absolutely stunning. He had no clue as to how it had taken him so long to realize it. She had such a gentle kindness in her eyes that just seemed to make them shine brighter than any of the stars Bucky had seen and the soft, caring smile she had on lit up his whole world. He loved her. He knew from that moment in time that he always would, but he saw how close she and Steve were. Not many women paid much attention to the sickly man, but she did. He saw how concerned she became when he got sick. She would take days off of work to take care of him. Instead of nursing at the hospital, she nursed at home. Steve wasn't allowed to leave his bed and she would make his favorite soup, read to him, and even lay down with him until he fell asleep. On top of that, the two of them seemed to share a love of literature and art beyond anything he could have understood. Bucky Barnes was by no means stupid, but books and paintings didn't seem to click for him like they did for Mary and Steve. For once, Bucky was no match for Steve when it came to this particular girl, and unfortunately for Bucky, this was the one girl he wanted more than any of the others he dated.

As the years passed, no matter how much he tried to ignore them, Bucky's feelings for Mary only grew, and he noticed that it was the same way for the other neighborhood boys as well. One fellow, Richie Dookle, had asked her out on a date. They dated for six months. Those were the worst six months of Bucky's life. It hurt seeing her with another man and pretending to be happy about it, something he would have done for Steve, but not for Dookle. He was sure there was nothing on earth more painful than that. Of course, the universe had to prove him wrong and show him real pain the night Mary had caught Richie with Anne Marie Sphinkster. She called it off with him before rushing home and into Bucky's arms. It took a few minutes for him to calm her down enough to tell him what had happened. When she did, he was immediately filled with rage. Rage and guilt. He was beyond angry at Richie for hurting her, but when he looked at the crying girl in his arms, he was filled with guilt. Her heart was young and innocent, full of wonder that she shared with everyone. It was his job to protect it, and now it was broken. If he could have, he would have kept her heart safe forever, safe from the viciousness of men.

_I would have never hurt you like that._ He wanted to say, but instead decided on "I'm sorry he hurt you." The next day, Richie ended up with a black eye and a split lip, but that wouldn't change anything, the damage to her heart was done. She healed from it in time, but he knew the scars would always remain, just like all the ones on his heart from girls that'd hurt him. He could never imagine Mary doing anything like that to him.

Bucky came back from his memories and pulled back from the long hug, it was time to go. Their eyes were glassy, not that either of them would admit it, and she gave a mock salute which he returned with a soft chuckle. As he boarded the boat that would ferry him across to Europe, all he could think about was her. He gave her one last wave when he finally got on deck, then found his way to wherever he was supposed to be. Twenty minutes later, the ship set sail. Bucky sat in his seat looking at the three pictures he had in his jacket pocket. There was one of him and Steve from the time they went to Coney Island, then one of the three of them at some street fair. Then finally the last one, a picture of her. He remembered that one. Steve had gotten a photography job. He was supposed to capture Brooklyn as it was for some magazine or paper or something. Bucky had gotten sick with a chest cold and Mary was home taking care of him while he laid on the couch under the mountain of blankets she had tucked him under. Steve had managed to convince them to take a picture with the Polaroid camera the company had lent him and so she got close up next to him and he leaned his head close up next to her. They were both smiling big happy smiles, despite the fact that Bucky was sick. Steve's boss had asked him who was in the picture, and after figuring out how much that photo meant, he let Steve have it. Steve had then given it to Bucky, knowing how much he liked it.

As the boat sailed off out of sight with Bucky on board, it left Mary behind, waiting, hoping, praying that he'd come home.

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**Sooooooo? Whadya think? I hope you all like it. Remember peoples, reviews are love! That's all for now. See you next time, but for now, this is RA88 signing off with a smile :-)**


	2. First Star I See At Night

**Hello Fanfiction readers! I'm back with another chapter! I know I said I would update Back To Square One, but I am having serious writers block, but I promise you, an update is on its way. All other things aside, I hope you like this new chapter! :-)**

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It had been almost two years since she had seen her boys and all things considered, she was doing alright on her own, the boys sent home their salaries and she put them in the bank for them, setting aside what they usually paid for rent each month and saving the rest for when they got home. She was on her way home from work, but had stopped by the store to pick up groceries. It would have been Steve's week to buy food had he been there. Nearly two years alone and she still kept track, it was just one of the ways she adjusted.

She had just walked in the front door when she noticed the envelope on the floor under the mail slot. After putting the groceries the groceries on the kitchen table, she picked it up and flipped it over. On the front of the envelope, printed clearly, were words that made her heart drop to her stomach. Western Union Telegram. She tried to stay as positive as possible. Maybe Bucky or Steve had gotten hurt, hopefully not too badly, and were being sent home. She carefully opened it and read the letter.

_Dear Ms. Gilly:_

_It is with regret that I write to you on January 23, 1945 to notify you of the death of Sergeant James B. Barnes. I offer my sincere condolences as I can understand the pain this loss must bring you. He died in service to his country fighting alongside many other brave soldiers to end this world strife. At the loss of such a fine soldier and loyal companion, we offer our sympathies._

_Sincerely,  
Colonel Chester Phillips_

She dropped the paper as though it had burned her. He was gone. Not knowing what to do next, she backed up until she hit the wall then slid to the floor. Bucky was gone. She didn't cry. She wanted to, but she couldn't, shock acting as a barrier to her tears, not letting her express her gut wrenching sorrow. Hours passed, but to Mary, they felt like minutes. Everything was falling apart. He was supposed to come home. He _promised._ He, he promised.

As she sat on the cold floor, her mind couldn't help but wander to happier, simpler times. Years ago, when the three of them ruled Brooklyn. Or maybe it was just the few blocks around their apartments, and maybe they didn't quite rule it, but when you're a kid in Brooklyn with your best friends by your side, it's all yours. It was all theirs.

* * *

_"__Give it back Andy!" she cried. The neighborhood bully, Andy Charlack, had taken her doll again._

_The ten year old bully sneered at her then laughed. "Whatcha gonna do about it pipsqueak?Gonna call your friends to help you? Oh wait, I forgot, you don't have any!"_

_"__Guess again Charlack. Over here." Mary looked to the mouth of the alleyway and saw two boys. A blond and a brunette. It was the brunette who had spoken and both of them looked like they were ready for a fight._

_ "__Gotta say, didn't think playing with dolls was your thing." the brunette said "Now why don't you let the girl go and we all move along." _

_Mary knew challenging Andy was risky. The brown haired boy may have been bigger than her, but ten year old Andy towered a good six inches over him._

_Andy laughed at the threat and pushed her to the ground and threw the plush doll against the wall. The blond haired boy rushed Andy, throwing himself into the fight while the brunette ran over to help her up. _

_"__Are you okay miss?" he asked her._

_"__Yeah, I'm fine, but your friend over there is an idiot."_

_The boy sighed. "Yeah, yeah he is. But he's my idiot. You stay here, we'll take care of Charlack."_

_The brown haired boy jumped in as soon as the blond went down. The blond haired boy got up and was about to go in for more, but the brunette shoved him aside to where Mary was._

_"__Are you okay?" Mary asked him._

_"__Yeah, I'm fine. Are you?"_

_"__Yeah"_

_Their short talk ended in time to see Andy's fist collide with the brown haired boy's eye and he went down. Mary ran towards them despite the blond trying to stop her._

_"__Hey dummy!" She cried, then kicked Andy where no man should be kicked. The bully fell to the ground before running away._

_When he was safely out of sight, she bent down to look at Bucky who was sitting up. _

_"__Are you alright?" she asked kindly._

_"__Yeah," he answered. "I'll be fine."_

_"__Good" she said, then she punched him in the arm."_

_"__Ow!" the brunette cried. "What was that for?!"_

_"__Stupid! I could have handled it by myself!"_

_The boy smiled. "Yeah, you probably could have. You got a name tiny?"_

_She huffed, still a little annoyed. "Mary. Mary Gilly. And I'm tiny."_

_The boy laughed. "Yeah you are. How old are you?"_

_Mary mocked outrage. "I don't even know your name and here you are asking me how old I am!"_

_"__James" he said. "The name is James Buchanan Barnes, you can call me Bucky, and idiot over there is Steve."_

* * *

Mary smiled at the memory. She had been six that day. They hadn't figured that out until a few days after. On that day, the trio was born and from then on, they were infamous, stuck together like glue, causing trouble everywhere. It seemed perfect, but of course, it had its moments. Those two boys worried her sick back then. Her mind began drifting again to a fall day two years after they all met.

* * *

_It was a chilly day in October. They were playing in an alley on the fire escapes, hanging from the ladders and swinging on the railings. It was all good fun until Bucky, who was swinging on a second story railing, lost his grip. A he hit the pavement, Mary heard a sick snapping sound. She and Steve immediately halted their playing and rushed over to him. Bucky had managed to get himself sitting up, but was still trembling, despite how hard he tried to mask it. It didn't take long for Mary to discover the problem. _

_"__Bucky" she breathed out. "Your arm"_

_The nine year old looked down at his arm and saw a bump that wasn't supposed to be there and it was bruising quickly. Not thinking, the touched it and immediately cried out._

_"__Steve!" Mary said. "Go get your mom"_

_With that, Steve took off running out of the alley._

_"__Bucky?" she said gently. He was still staring at his arm with a look of shock. "Bucky" she said louder, gaining his attention. "Don't look at it. Look at me, kay?"_

_He nodded. His eyes were glazed over with tears that he refused to let fall, and she saw them. _

_"__Oh Bucky…" she whispered. She kneeled next to where he was sitting and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, making sure to be careful of his broken arm._

_He sniffled and rested his head on her shoulder. They stayed like that until Steve came back with his mom and at the hospital and for the few days he was forced to stay home after he got back. He asked her to stay, said she took some of the pain away._

* * *

It was easier back then. She missed those days. She missed those memories. She missed them. Bucky and Steve. She missed them. She missed her boys.

She spent the night in the boys' room. She slept on the floor next to Bucky's messily made bed. He never made his bed neatly like Steve did and the morning he shipped out was no exception. Normally, Mary would fix it after he went off to work at the docks and before she left for work, but she hadn't touched it since the day he was deployed. It was exactly like he left it. Like it should be. She slept in one of his old shirts, it still smelt like him.

Part of her couldn't believe he was gone. She could feel it. Something was telling her he was alive, but she shoved it aside, not wanting to keep false home. Instead, she reasoned with herself, she would keep his memory alive.

That night, there was a star in the window.

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**A little sadder than my usual stories, I know, but do not worry fair citizens of , it will get lighter. I hope. Anyway, what did you think? Love it? Hate it? Let me know in the reviews! That's all for now, see you next update but for now, this is RA88, signing off with a smile. :-)**


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